33 Tweets About Every Parent’s Least-Favorite Activity

Good news: There is an inexpensive, fun, creative, hands-on activity that combines science and art and keeps your kids away from their screens.

Bad news: It’s slime.

And now it is in your couch cushions, your carpet, your kids’ hair and nooks and crannies of your home you didn’t even know existed. What an educational delight!

Does it dissolve in vinegar? Sure. But you’re going to have to scrub your hands raw to get it off of everything it touched, and then afterwards you’ll smell like a pickle.

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Here, the funny parents of X (formerly Twitter) share their true feelings about the wonder substance that is slime.

Me: Where’s the slime bud?

2: Right there.

Me: No, that’s the slime container…where’s the slime?

-A three-sentence horror story

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) November 17, 2023

Would your spouse coming home with a gallon of clear Elmer's glue and an economy size box of Borax to make slime with the kids be considered irreconcilable differences?

— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) December 29, 2020

Unclogged slime from bathroom sink
Hosed slime off back deck
Extracted slime from toddler's hair

This is just who I am now

— The Baby Lady (@thebabylady7) June 2, 2017Advertisement

The Forrest Gump shrimp scene, but it’s my daughter listing the various types of slime: “There's unicorn slime, butter slime, glow in the dark slime, galaxy slime, jelly slime, metallic slime, magnetic slime, glitter slime, rainbow slime, snow slime, fluffy slime…”

— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 6, 2019

He died doing what he loathed- trying to make the perfect slime for his kids

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 13, 2021

To the person who put slime in my kids’ Halloween buckets:

I have a special set of skills.

I will find you.

I will feed your children chocolate covered espresso beans.

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 17, 2019

3-year-old: *smashes goldfish crackers into homemade glitter slime*

Me: What are you doing?!

3: They need to swim.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 30, 2019

[gates of hell]

Devil: what are you here for?

man 1: I created kinetic sand

Devil: what are you here for?

man 2: I created slime

Devil: do I even want to know?

man 3: glitter

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) March 22, 2021Advertisement

It’s the first day of summer vacation for my 5yo and I’m actually considering getting her that slime making kit she keeps asking for. That should tell you everything you need to know about my level of desperation.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) June 10, 2021

I just found out my daughter has been mass producing slime in our backyard and delivering it in individual baggies to her classmates. She’s like the Walter White of slime.

— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) October 2, 2019

To the babysitter who bought my children the 1,500 piece slime kit:

When should I drop the kids and the kit off at your house?

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 26, 2020

I always assumed I would KNOW if my husband fell out of love with me and started to hate me.

But he just came home with slime kits for the kids and I was totally blindsided so apparently I was wrong.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 17, 2019

You know how awesome you feel when you finally take an hour for yourself and go to run in your brand new running shoes and then you get half a mile and wonder what’s going on and then check inside your shoe and find fucking slime and then wonder why you had kids?

No? Just me?

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) May 3, 2020Advertisement

Who the fuck created this slime epidemic and how can we stop them from creating something for kids ever again

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 19, 2019

Camp counselors who choose to have our kids make slime and bring it home in their backpacks. Why do you hate us?

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) July 28, 2023

I would rather my daughter cook meth than make any more slime

— Bart (@bartandsoul) August 10, 2019

If I do my job right as a father my kids will never know about slime. They'll be at college one day and some kid will be like, "remember playing with slime when we were kids?" and they'll be like "remember playing with what?"

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 19, 2021

My friend got my girls slime for their bday so I’m getting her daughter a harmonica for hers.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 27, 2023Advertisement

I’m not a regular mom.

I’m a “DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT BRINGING THAT SLIME INTO THIS HOUSE!” mom.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 2, 2018

To the parent who sent their kid with slime as a Valentine to the class I just want you to know that I will send my daughter with kinetic sand to give to your kid as a thank you gift.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 15, 2024

Oh, your kid won first prize at the science fair? That’s cool. My kid did an experiment where she found out that playing with slime in her bed makes the volume of mom’s voice rise by 10 decibels.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 9, 2019

Before having kids, be sure to ask yourself the really tough questions like “how do I feel about having a slime station in my dining room?”

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 8, 2023

Slime: a minute in the house, a lifetime on the couch

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) March 9, 2021Advertisement

My 6yo has requested a toy unicorn that poops slime for Christmas. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 25, 2018

I sometimes wonder if my mom is actively trying to make my life miserable but then she shows up unannounced on her way out of town delivering cookie decorating & slime kits for the kids and now I know she is.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) June 13, 2021

My childless friend extended her child raising tips to me so I let the toddler skip his nap, sugared them all up and headed to her white furniture home armed with red kool-aid pouches, Kidz Bop and slime.

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 2, 2019

Went to a kid’s birthday party where they gave away slime and glitter glue. So I wiped off a few “no school” days from their white board calendar

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 18, 2021

My kids make slime concoctions that would make the FDA cringe

— The Dad (@thedad) January 17, 2019Advertisement

It’s only 7:30am, & I already had to yell, “Stop microwaving slime!” in case you wondered how my Friday is going.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 19, 2018

4: I want slime

ME: You can’t have it.

4: I WILL BE CAREFUL!

ME: That’s what you said last time

4: I WAS...

ME: You put it in your sister’s hair

4: ᶜᵃʳᵉᶠᵘˡˡʸ

— The Baby Lady (@thebabylady7) November 6, 2018

One of my kid’s birthday party guests gave her a make your own slime kit with glitter, and now I’m sitting here trying to figure out what we did to that family to deserve this

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 13, 2023

YouTube is a dangerous place for kids. There’s a lot of filthy stuff they could stumble upon like videos on how to make slime.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 5, 2023

Mom friend: What are the ingredients you need to make slime?⁰Me: Detergent, shaving cream, glue and the remaining shreds of my sanity I lost trying to get that shit out of my dining room chairs.

— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) October 21, 2018Advertisement

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